A Phone For Her

Apple, Samsung, Google… listen up! I am not sure if your mobile divisions are working to the best of their capacities. I wonder how else would they otherwise not target a demographic that constitutes almost half of the entire population! Don’t you think not having a phone specifically for the fairer sex is a bit, um, unfair? If you still cannot see the gaping hole in your product lines affecting the one that you could make in their purses, let me tell you, it is huge! Before your product managers start sweating over hammering out the requirements for this game-changing phone, please allow me to propose a few features that I humbly think would be revolutionary: phoner-for-her

  • Colors. Metallic black, plastic white? What were you thinking? Take a leaf from Microsoft’s phones full of (ghastly!) colors and come up with something zesty. Better yet, collaborate with L’Oreal and release the same phone in at least 100 different shades. I know this  drives up the production costs but think of all the girls who are fanatic about matching every color from head-to-toenail and you have a niche market right there!
  • Size. 4 inch, 7 inch screens, seriously? Girls die for things small and delicate. So a 2 inch screen should be more than enough. The biggest advantage is that the phone will stay in her jeans’ front pocket and not back. Why on earth do you think a phone should put a dent, or a weird bulge in this case, in her JLo inspired workouts? Can’t have a phone this small without sacrificing on functionality? The next point is just for you.
  • Motion simulator. Gone are the days of accelerometers and gyroscopes. What we need is a full blown motion simulator built into the phone. That way when those huge phones are buried into the deepest and darkest trenches of her oceanic purse from where no sound shall reach the surface and where no hand shall reach within 10 rings of the phone, the motion simulator can make the phone jump up and down and intimate its bearer of an incoming call with a tsunami-like urgency!
  • Apps. This could be a whole post in itself, but let me highlight a few must-haves:
  • MatchIt: With this app she basically takes one picture, either of her earrings, nail color, heels or any accessory and the app creates a detailed suggestion of all the other accessories shes owns  that go well with the pictured one.
  • SpeakOn: This is the simplest app to implement. All it does is says “hmmm”, “that’s true”, “you were right, dear” etc. at regular intervals, preferably in the voice of her male partner or better yet, in the voice of Ryan Gosling or George Clooney! The app should, in the background, detect if the girl and a guy are having a conversation, if she is talking for more than 3 minutes straight and if so, it should automatically launch itself and do its thing.
  • Maps: Google, I’m sorry to say this but Maps in its current form is one of  the most non-intuitive things you have ever developed! (Apple, I’m not even talking to you!) Do you know how much she has to stress herself out just because you can’t do your job with precision?  You need to sense when she is lost and re-route her accordingly. I know you do that even now, but please improve your re-routing algorithm to do its job within a fraction of a second. Or throw all your machine learning horsepower at detecting that a wrong turn is going to be made and prompt before that happens! You obviously don’t want the most used part of your app to be slow, right?

So there you go! Please ask your product managers to further research and come up with something innovative like this and not just launch the exact same product, only in different sizes for decades. With such well thought-out features, I am sure now you see why she would buy such a phone. Heck, there are reasons enough that even her male partner would gift one to her. I am looking forward to your announcement at the next I/O, WWDC etc.

P.S.  I had this eureka moment while I was trying to figure out which phone I should gift to my wife on her upcoming birthday. But as there is no such phone yet, and because my wife is smart enough to read between the lines of this post, I think it’s better to head to the jewelry store first!


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